A new chapter . . .

I had a CT scan last Friday, and went to Roswell for the results yesterday.  Dr. K. informed us that the Votrient is no longer working.  Everything has gotten bigger.  I wasn't that surprised.  I suspected as much. I think Ken did, too.  Dr. K. gently told us that there are really no more options in terms of treatment.  He suggested we think about in-home hospice care.  We really didn't have to think about it.  We had anticipated it would be our next step.  Hospice called this morning and set up a time for a consult.  We'll be meeting with them on Thursday morning.  Everyone tells me that Hospice workers are wonderful.  I look forward to meeting my hospice nurse, Wendy.

I asked Dr. K. how my life would play out from here.  He said that he really doesn't think I'll be in any pain. Mainly, I'll begin to lose energy and want to sleep more.  Hospice will see to it that I'm comfortable and that I'm breathing OK.  I asked him the big question - how much time do I have?  He guesstimates about 3 months, maybe a little longer.  He emphasized the fact that he would still be in charge of my care.  We thanked him for everything he, and the good people of Roswell, had done for us.  He said some very nice things, then left us alone for some private time.  Ken and I both dissolved in tears and just held each other for a few minutes.  After we pulled ourselves together, my 2 favorite nurses came in and gave us both big hugs.  It was a bittersweet moment. I realized how grateful I am for the love I feel from those around me.  That love has helped to sustain me over the last 3 years and will continue to sustain me over these next few months.

We called my mom and our kids and invited them to come over for a family counsel last night. We began with family prayer which helped to bring a feeling of calm and peace.  I then explained what we had learned at the doctor's office and how we were going to proceed from here. I told them that I am completely in the Lord's hands now, and I'm more than OK with this.  I know that I couldn't be in better hands.  All that matters to me now is that we all pull together as a family and love and support each other through this.  I want us to enjoy every moment we have together to the fullest.  I want my family to have joy in this life and to be happy.  That is my greatest desire. There were a few tears. But, ultimately, we ended up in the back yard tossing the football around, watching the grandkids play, laughing and just having fun together.  It was perfect.

One of the tenets of our religion is that husbands, wives and their children can be "sealed" as families for eternity by proper priesthood authority.  Ken and I were sealed in the Salt Lake City Temple on May 26, 1979.  Each of our children are sealed to us.  We may be separated for a time when I go, but we will be together again.  This is my great comfort and my solace.


In John 14:27, the Savior tells us, "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."  I bear testimony of this peace that comes only through faith in Jesus Christ.  It is real. I am so grateful for the peace I have been blessed with. I am so grateful for His love.


I will continue to update from time to time as long as I can.  Many, many thanks for your love, support and prayers.  Very special thanks to my wonderful husband who has been my rock through all of this.  I literally could not have gotten through this without him. I couldn't ask for a better care-giver or for a better friend.


Until next time . . .